You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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