I could have mohawked her pubes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
