Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
