I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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