What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
