I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
