the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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