That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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