I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
