O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
