oh god the rape fog is back!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
