Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
