Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
