so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
