Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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