But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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