My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
