We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
