Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize