Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
