I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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