# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
