She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
