Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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