I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
