I'm so fucking centered right now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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