please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
