She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
