I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
