Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
