soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
