I just pynch a tree in the face
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
