The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
