I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
