Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
