theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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