I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
