I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
