Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
