You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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