Screwed.edu
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not ubering you a puppy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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