After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize