1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
