I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
