Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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