i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
