A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
