imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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