nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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