TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
