Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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