Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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