You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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