I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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