I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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