i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
