So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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