At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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