I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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